First, I am no authority on the issues of marriage, so you really don't have to take my words for it.But I feel like these questions are questions normal right thinking adults, who are courting and preparing for marriage should be asking.That being said,Let's talk!
There is one thing for certain I know about marriage is, if you are not ready to compromise, win some to loose some, let someone else in your spac. If it's always about you, oga I think you should just be by yourself.
Ask your partner about how you intend to live.
- Are we letting people live with us?
- If we are, for how long?
- Are we getting a maid, blah blah blah?
Just ask these questions and look at how much they are willing to compromise to make you happy. You should be willing too.
The issue of finance can even make the Devil fight with himself, not to talk of two people from different backgrounds. So it's wise to ask the necessary questions now and have an agreement, before your here tori.. When we marry;
- Will you be the breadwinner 100%?
- If not, how much do we have to contribute from our earnings to run the home?
- Are we having a joint account?
- Are we having both a joint account and personal accounts?
- Are you going to let me work? (It is necessary to ask this question if you a lady marrying an Igbo man)
- If you are not going to let me work, are you setting me up in business? Ask all these questions before you comman start crying Ekun Egbere for us here.. Don't jump into marriage without asking questions. Marriage isn't honeymoon oh, e go shock you.
This one is very dear to my heart, cos it is the very foundation of our marriage. Ask questions like;
- What's your relationship like with God?.. I sure will ask this cos I know say my own relationship, God don gimme red card It's not something to be proud of, but I like to be true to myself.
- Who is going to be the spiritual head in our family? For me, I know I can't be the one, so I will rather marry someone ahead of me spiritually..
- If the Church ever wanted to ordain you Pastor, would you take up the position?
Ogbeni if your answer is Yes to that question, Mo Ti Japa Oh I mean, I want a spiritual head, but a Pastor? I did not sign up for that one biko... I will now be mummy G.O(General overseer)...Who and who is doing that one with you Iffa slap you.
This one is not even what we supposed to be stressing ourself on.But okay, let's talk..
- Your genotype. I ain't doing that sickler shii with you, no vex (no offense to sicklers)
- Do you have any medical inheritable issues? Diabetes and the rest.
- Are you fertile? What am I even hoping you will say before? Abeg run a test oh, on both of you.Before you go and be bearing barren woman untop and infertile man wahala.
- How many kids do you want? You should reach a compromise oh abeg.. Before he tells you, you cannorstop having kids till you have a boy..That's how you born 13.
- Are your family keen on having a male child, and if we don't have one, what happens?
- Will you consider the option of adoption if we didn't have kids on time?
- Will you be open to other methods of conceiving, if kids came late?
- If we didn't have kids, would we still be stay married? This is one of the most sensitive topic in marriage, talk extensively..
- What is your relationship with soap and water?
- Do I need to gym to stay sexy for Mami?
- Do I get shopping allowances to change my wardrobe from time to time?
- If my body never survived the pressure of childbirth, would it matter?
Na this one dey cause quarell for even siblings
Me: Chinwe go and cook oh..
Chinwe: Is like hunger wee kee us today
If even my sister can plan my death by starving me, is it someone I didn't even grow up with that won't kee me?
- Are we getting a maid? Ask this if you are going to be a working mom and wife and not sure you can handle the wahala of combining chores.
- If No Maid, Are you guys going to be splitting chores?
- Or are you going to be a stay-at-home mom or dad?
7. Emotional Responsibilities
Oya draw your sits closer oh, cos this one is VERY important too..
- Is He or She a Romantic? If Yes, it means if you are not, or not very much of a romantic, you will have to go learn.
- How emotionally demanding is this person?
- How much are we gon be having sex in this marriage? Find out if you can cope with the sexual demands.Before you start working around with clutches😂😂😂
- Are we gon be going on getaways, romantic travels and vacays? If not, what do we opt for to keep the spark alive.
8. Living Conditions
- Are we gon be living on the road? If his/her job dictates he/she has to travel a lot, it means you have to be ready to live on the road.
- How long will you guys be staying about if anyone has to travel? If he/she is planning to marry you, leave you and go abroad, does that work for you?
- Where do we settle after marriage? Lagos or Calabar, London or Abuja. You guys have to agree on a city that works for you
This is a very important topic. This literally drives the whole marriage. This is what keeps the marriage going when love fails.
- Do our dreams and purpose align?If you are into fashion and he is a pastor at Deeper Life😂😂 Shey you see say you don play yourself .It is only a matter of time before he tells you to quit fashion cos you are promoting the kingdom of the Devil😂😂 Kee me oh😂😂😂
- Is his/her dream something you can support?I can't stress it enough, your support for your partner's career will go a long way in strenghtening your marriage in the long run.
Look at couples like Mary and Jason Njoku, the CEO of RokTV and IrokoTV respectively.. These guys had dreams and purposes that aligned and so they merged.
Now they have one of the most important media channels in the country.Even if love fades in that marriage, their partnership will keep that marriage going till they find their way back to love..
There is Banky and Adesua, Kanye and Kim and so many other couples who have chosen to not just be soul mates, but purpose mates.
TRUST YOUR PARENTS to help you make your final decision.
After all these jamb question and findings about your partner, trust someone of greater authority to help you put the final nail on the coffin. You can never go wrong with their advice.
DO NOT GET married if you aren't ready to compromise, listen and change.
Marriage will test you, so make sure you and your partner remember why you got married in the first place.
Keep a track of your progress, never let the romance die otherwise the marriage will too.